“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.” – Mercedes Lackeyo
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“The only things I regret, and the only things I’ll ever regret are things I didn’t do.
In the end, that’s what we mourn.
The paths we didn’t take.
The people we didn’t touch.”
– Scott Spencer
Most think of the word, “regret” in a very traditional, well-defined manner. This “script” you’ve “accepted”… could be flawed.
“Regret” has been clearly defined by the scholars. However, is its popularly accepted definition, as straight-forward as it appears on the surface?
Just maybe… as with all emotionally charged words, we’re looking at the word, “regret” in only a dichotomous way. Just maybe, we should look at regret, not from a black-and-white perspective (we have or don’t have regret), but from multiple shades of gray.
Let’s look a little deeper into the 2 primary types of regrets.
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Type #1: No Regrets of the Mind – This is an eloquent, universally accepted definition for regret. We analyze our decisions, justify our choices and claim, “no regrets”. How wonderfully healthy for our (self-serving) mind! We now believe, in our mind (after it confirms repeatedly) that we’re in total peace with our inner-selves, life goes on and our minds continue trying to convince us, we’re happy.
If it would only stop there… it would be so, so much simpler!
But, we have a heart and a soul, that aren’t quite as easily “sold” on this
traditional, troubling rationalization by the mind, regarding regret.
One of the mind’s most important roles, is to enable us mentally, to function productively in society. Thus; the mind is fascinatingly powerful at handling physical pain so we can function physically and mental pain so we can function mentally. The mind enables us to deal with a wide variety of challenges during our tumultuous life journey.
However, subconsciously, major regrets are often quite troublesome to the mind, not because it’s difficult for it to self-servingly reframe our regrets so we feel good… which the mind, again, does exceptionally well…but, because the heart and the soul refuse to let the mind move on completely, if they know deep down, we genuinely have regrets, that’ll be carried throughout the remainder of our lives.
Type #2: Regrets of the Heart and Soul – These are genuine regrets the heart and soul cling to, that have merely been glossed over by the mind, in a superficial attempt to enable our minds to continue functioning sufficiently in life. Nonetheless, these genuine regrets live on in our hearts and souls. Your heart and soul will weep a little (or on some days a lot) every day. This can not be avoided (in mentally healthy people); and, it’s a beautiful (albeit difficult) thing! It provides inner integrity to you as a real person.
Regret… created when possibly forfeiting Amazing… is the most expensive mortgage payment you’ll ever make in life!
More importantly; accepting genuine regrets of the heart and soul, enables us to make better decisions in the future; rather than repeating the same mistakes, while having our minds continuing to justify our decisions, and repeating the cycle. Also… sometimes life provides us with 2nd (or 3rd for the slower learners like me) opportunities to get it right!
Most people say something to the effect,
- “I did all I could”; or,
- ”I gave it my best shot”; or,
- “I really tried to make it work, but”.
This self-talk helps the mind believe these are true and there shouldn’t be any regrets.
Just imagine how easy life would be if this was genuinely true!
Just lie to ourselves and all is good! Sure, sometimes we do everything (rarely!) we can and it doesn’t turn out the way we’d hoped… but, most of the time… truth be told by the heart and soul… we really didn’t do everything we could have done!
Integrity of your heart and soul are priceless…
while integrity of the mind can easily be purchased at “Self Talk Bank”!
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Unfortunately, the “interest rate” charged daily by “Self Talk Bank” is so high it’s painful and the loan will never be paid off,
until you satisfy the debt with both your heart and soul!
Here’s an interesting twist that may help you, as it has surprisingly helped my heart and soul more than I initially thought. On one major regret, I went back to the person and talked with them comprehensively… no stone unturned. The regret wasn’t because someone was harmed in any direct way for any act, comment, etc. Rather, in this case, the regret was created when I forfeited a possibility. It was an Amazing option offered to me, that I didn’t pursue; thus, creating a genuine major regret.
Sharing your regrets with those whom you’ve created your regrets, may also be therapeutic to you.
Holistic-DMQ (Decision Making Quality) -IS- the Secret to Amazing Windows of Time on your Life’s Journey and the preventer of regrets!
Are you a No Regrets, Purpose-Driven Leader… looking to make a Significant Social Impact in other people’s lives?
Would you like to create $1+ Million for each of Your Favorite Non-Profits?
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DM me on LinkedIn or directly (jim.roncevich@ipgsocialimpact.com).
Who changes the world? I believe it’s almost exclusively the Top-7%. They are the only ones with the Talent Portfolios and social consciences needed to actually implement significant positive social impact.
If you believe you’re one of these executives, we’d love to explore possible opportunities.
Get MAD! Get Making A Difference! ~ JR
